Date Advice Guy has moved to!

Hello lovely readers! Date Advice Guy here, but you can call me Mike (my actual first name). Just wanted to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for reading this little blog of mine over the past few years. Your support means the world to me, and I’m hoping that you’ll all join me at my new blog –

In this new project of mine I’ll be writing all about what it takes to live a happy and fulfilling adult life, including dating and relationship advice. You can get some more background on the Start Here page and you can read the first post here.

Cheers, and thanks again for everything,

Michael Arriaga, the Date Advice Guy


How much should you spend on your Valentine?

I get this question a lot. Every step of a developing relationship from the first date through marriage has its own customs and social norms that go along with it. General expectations in the relationship rise as you move further along the path. Those expectations are ever more real around holidays, because holidays involve gifts. Tangible, often measurable gesture of how much this person means to you. Which can suck, because as a dedicated boyfriend / girlfriend, you’re usually working year-round to make this person feel special and it’s frustrating to have to go above and beyond just for one day. It probably shouldn’t be that way. It’s not polite, but hey, it’s human nature.

I’ve had a tendency to over-gift in the early stages of a relationship and I think it’s raised the bar past what the other person was comfortable with. I remember I was dating a girl for about 2 weeks, her birthday was coming up AND I was about to leave on a big trip, so I wanted to make an impression. She mentioned rather casually that she used to play violin and she missed not owning one. I almost bought one off Craigslist!  I cringe when I look back on that one – it surely would have been a poor investment, considering I had just met her.

So don’t go overboard. Make a good impression and stay within appropriate means. Here’s a quick guide for what to get your sweetheart for Valentine’s Day:

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Four Different Types of Relationships that can Make or Break You From the Start!

Hey all,

So I was browsing Reddit this afternoon and came across an amazing post. A Reddit user asked for help with her boyfriend who seems to have lost his “spark” with her. In response, another user posted this. It describes the four functional types of relationships that people look for and how people can be compatible or incompatible based on their relationship “type.”

I had to share it! Please read on.

From /u/temp4adhd –

It’s been said that there are four different types of partners– soul mates, mind mates, play mates, and help mates — and we tend to have preferences for one type or the other. You can rank this out, for example, my top preference is to have a soul mate, with mind mate second, play mate third, and help mate dead last. Whereas my husband would rank it this way: play mate, mind mate, help mate, soul mate.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend’s top preference is to have a help mate. This doesn’t make him wrong. Lots of people prioritize help mate over all the other types. In fact, I’d say it’s incredibly common, from what I’ve seen (beyond Reddit and out in the real world). Help mate and soul mate are the two most common preferences.

A help mate is a partner who shares common goals and vision for the future, and who assists you in maintaining a home, building a career, saving for the future, raising children together. It is all the “adult” things.

A soul mate is a partner who connects with you on a deeply intimate, emotional level. It is the stuff that songs are written about. It’s romance and flowers. Two soul mates together can look a lot like a high school or Romeo & Juliet romance, or yes, the honeymoon period.

A mind mate is a partner who connects with you on an intellectual level. Who shares your interest in science or philosophy or current events etc. Two mind mates together could be the couple getting their PhD’s, or completing the crossword puzzle together Sunday morning in bed, or reading side-by-side at night, or having a lively debate about politics… or sitting in the rocking chair at the old folk’s home, their bodies spent, but their minds still active as they talk endlessly about their favorite topics.

A playmate is a partner with whom you share fun. You share the same sense of humor and are always cracking jokes. You share same interest in arts or sports and you’re always up for an adventure. This can also be the couple that has a lively and adventuresome sex life. The couple that plays together, stays together, is their motto.

It sounds like your preferences are incompatible. It sounds like you’d prefer a play mate (someone to have fun with you), a soul mate (someone to make love to you), and a mind mate (someone to talk to about interesting topics), over and above a help mate. Because you’ve been self-sufficient all these years, help mate is just not as important to you. You want a spouse who will add different dimensions to your life, and if they also ease your burden a little, that’s icing on the cake… not the whole cake.

I don’t think you can change him. These preferences run quite deep, as deep as any personality types. We are born with our specific temperaments. Time and experience doesn’t tend to change these temperaments and preferences, but rather, bring them into sharper focus.

10 Common Things That Turn Men Off

Today’s post is written by Sebastian of, a seduction and dating advice community for men. Today, Sebastian is taking a break from giving advice to men to share some awesome insights for women. He knows his stuff!

20121103-annoying-man-460I absolutely love women. Even though I believe that true happiness comes from within, you can’t doubt that you feel more alive when you spend your life with an amazing woman.

Women give us the feeling to be needed and to be loved, but there are some things about them that drive us insane. I hate to say it but there are some things that men don’t like about women.

There are things that have the power to turn off every man within seconds. In the following paragraphs I want to share those things with you. Some of them sound logical, others offending, but they are all true.

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Four Qualities that Make You a Catch (and How to Make Sure You Have Them)

I’ve noticed something lately.

As a generation, we are really picky when it comes to dating. No one is ever good enough. We’ve heard the advice “don’t settle” our whole lives, but if we don’t settle somewhat then we’ll never have a relationship! People are not perfect, but it still seems reasonable that we’d be able to find a person who gets us excited enough to say “OK, this one is a catch. I think I’ll stick around and see where this goes.”

So where’s the line? How do we decide who to date without “settling”? Personally, I’ve narrowed it down to four simple characteristics I look for in a potential mate, and it’s worked well for me so far. Let me know what you think.

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10 Men Share what they REALLY Want for Valentine’s Day. #3 Is Very Interesting.

Compiled from answers on AskReddit. Enjoy!

1. “I would like Valentine’s Day to be abolished and replaced with a second Thanksgiving.” -mattythedog

2. “A blowjob. And a beer.” -I-amOnly-joking

3. “The roles to be reversed. Woman care about Valentines day more than men do most of the time. But if you want me to care about it as much you do, maybe you should make it as enjoyable for me as I do for you. If my SO would tell me, hey this Valentines day I make the plans, it’s on me, that would be the best gift. And it would make me want to give her something even better on another day (where she won’t be expecting it). Having to live up to these expectations drains all the romance the holiday is meant to have. I think it can be restored if she takes the initiative.” -oldie101

4. “Naked selfies sent randomly throughout the day” -tallmiller

5. “Just get to spend the day with her. No interruptions and no obligations just being with her is about as good as it can get.” -Wundt

6. “For people to stop acknowledging that stupid holiday.” -neocommenter

7. “I’m taking my girlfriend down to the aquarium and then out to dinner in the city. It’s our first valentine’s together I just want it to go as smoothly as I’m envisioning it.” -xSaiyan

8. “Sex -TheMadTbaggeR

9. Buy yourself some sexy lingerie and show it off to me” -Naweezy

10. “We really just want our SO to be happy. Valentines day is pretty much just a women’s day where men cater to their needs and treat them special. An honest truthful answer though. We just want valentines day to not exist. It’s stressful as hell and expensive.” -Okstate2039


The Date Advice Guy

10 Counterintuitive Things a Woman Can Do to Make a Man Fall in Love

Today’s post is written by Sebastian of, a seduction and dating advice community for men. Today, Sebastian is taking a break from giving advice to men to share some awesome insights for women. He knows his stuff!

RomanceCouple-500What can a woman do to make a man fall in love? If you believe most Hollywood movies she just has to act a little bit stupid and giggle whenever the man of her dreams says something, even if he just said something that wasn’t funny at all.

Is that really what men want? Do we really fall for women who qualify themselves by giggling, smiling and acting as if their left cerebral hemisphere wouldn’t work properly?

I have once been on a date with a woman who tried to impress me with this kind of behavior and I honestly have to say that I wasn’t impressed at all. The truth is that we men fall for completely other things than what popular songs or movies try to convince us from.

We don’t want to date women who act stupider than they are and we don’t want to be together with women who don’t speak up because they are too afraid to offend us. It might be counter-intuitive, but we want the exact opposite. Let’s have a look at what we really want and what a woman can do to make a man fall in love.

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10 Guys Share the Real Reasons Why They Want to be in Relationships

Compiled from AskReddit. My own answer? I want to be in a relationship simply because it feels awesome to have someone to care about, to share feelings and support with, and to share your life with. Having a girlfriend provides companionship that no other relationship can match.

Girls are awesome, that’s why.

“Also, she supports and encourages you. Helps you if you get down. Makes you feel sexy. Makes you happy because she’s sexy. She’s pretty and fun to cuddle and kiss. You can be closer with her than family and friends. It’s a special bond, and you two get to take on the world together.

Being in a relationship gives life a lot of zest and fulfillment.”

Having someone else to share my life with.

It’s great to have someone to share all of life’s experiences with, both good and bad.

Sex. (Just being honest – you know it’s true)

Can’t argue with that.

Someone to listen to, someone to listen to me, a warm body to snuggle at night.

Sometimes you just need someone there to talk and snuggle.

Find someone I’m absolutely crazy about who is also crazy about me.

“Not being lonely just isn’t enough for me. If I am going to be with someone, we’d better be crazy for each other. Life is too short and divorce is too expensive.”

The best part of having a significant other is the companionship.

“Not the sex, not the laughs, not the cuddles. Those are all amazing, yes, and important in a relationship as well, but having someone who supports me and will listen to my stupid and insane plans and having someone who will help me better myself, that is what a relationship is all about for me. Everything else is just cherries on top.”

It’s an intense friendship (probably lifelong) with a person I admire (I chose them after all) plus sex.

“I also don’t find sex outside of a relationship very interesting or satisfying so that drive gets sublimated and makes relationships seem more desirable.”

I want a life partner really.

“It’s about having someone to share the joy’s and sadness of live with, I mean there is a good reason why there are 2 pilots on a passenger plane :)”

I want a best friend that I have sex with.

Well said, my friend.

Having someone to share my hobbies with.

It’s always better to enjoy your leisure activities with a companion.