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are-you-too-jealousIt happens every day. It happens when you’re single and when you’re in a relationship. You’re going on about your daily life, interacting with new and familiar people, and you can’t help but compare yourself to the women around you. Any time a new woman comes around your group, or gets hired at your office, or worst of all, interacts with the man you’re interested in, you almost instinctively compare yourself to her in every aspect. If you think she may be better looking than you, or that she’s getting more attention than you, you can’t help but feel that deep, nasty feeling: jealousy.

My question is, why? Why be jealous? What do you gain from that feeling? It certainly doesn’t feel good, and it’s certainly not fun to feel that your “territory” is threatened.

Why couldn’t you simply cut jealous behavior out of your life? Would things not be better? You’d be more confident, more secure, and more attractive. Remember, jealousy and insecurity isn’t just a turn off for you; it’s a turn off for us guys too. We want to spend time with fun, confident women, not jealous girls who cause drama.

Who knows? What if this woman you’re jealous of could have ended up being a good friend to you? With jealous and malicious behavior, you’d never know.

Let me explain why you should never be jealous again, and how to do it.

This is a deeper concept than just your looks, but let’s talk about looks for a bit. Before we get to the good stuff, there are a few unfortunate truths that you need to accept. Brace yourself, they might sting a bit. First of all:

You will never be the best looking woman in your social and professional scenes.

Yes, it’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Once you accept this fact, you can begin to move forward and feel more confident and secure. Furthermore, if you are in a relationship:

You are not the best looking woman who your boyfriend or husband interacts with.

Whether it’s at work, at the gym/bank/grocery store, or in social situations, your man will at many times interact with women who are better looking than you. I know that may be hard to accept, but in order to move forward without jealousy you must be comfortable with this truth.

Does this mean you should just give up on your looks? Of course not. Always look your best, always maintain a healthy lifestyle, and always strive to improve yourself. The better you look, the better you will be perceived by those around you.

Here is a very important concept to keep in mind about your looks and how men perceive them.

Physical beauty is a relative concept. There is no “perfect image” that appeals to ALL men.

This is why you will never be the best looking woman in your social circles. No matter what you look like, there will be men who find your traits attractive, and there will be men who don’t. What’s attractive to one man isn’t always attractive to the next man.

Some men prefer blondes, some prefer brunettes, some prefer red hair. Some men like the conservative look, some men like a more edgy fashion sense. Some men like large breasts, some like small breasts. Some men like young women, some men prefer the more mature ones. There are even some men who prefer the more heavy-set women and think that supermodels are too thin. No, I’m not making that up.

You will never appeal to ALL men. So stop obsessing over your “negative” traits and obsessively searching for the perfect look. It doesn’t exist. Simply look your personal best and move on with your day. There WILL be men who find you physically attractive.

But what if a woman actually is much better looking than you? What if the woman your man sits near at work is truly more physically attractive? You know your man loves you, but you still can’t help but feel a bit nervous about it. Or if you’re single, how would you ever have a shot over a woman who’s truly better looking than you are?

Well, here’s where it gets good. Here is a very important truth you must keep in mind.

We don’t commit to relationships with you because you’re the best looking woman we know. We commit because you’re the best overall match for us.

It’s not just about looks. You must consider yourself as an overall person and proceed appropriately. Looks will get our attention initially, but it’s your overall worth as a person that will keep us around for the long run. There are several factors about you that determine how attractive you are to us.

In addition to looks, we consider your personality, your personal and career goals, the way you treat us and the other people in your life, your beliefs, your lifestyle, your religious and political affiliations, your hobbies and interests … the list goes on and on.

If a man chooses to be with you over a woman who is better looking than you, it’s because to him, all of those other characteristics make you more attractive overall. Although she gets a few more “points” for her looks, you get much more overall “points” for all of your other attractive qualities.

So yes, the man who has committed to you will inevitably come into contact with women who are better looking than you, but he will always choose you over them because to him, you are an overall better person than they are. Although they may be better looking than you, you are an overall better match for him than they could ever be.

If he does not choose you, it’s because he has considered your overall qualities and doesn’t consider you to be the best match for him. It’s not just about looks. He simply wanted to be with a woman who has different qualities.

So what to do?

First of all, dedicate yourself to maximizing your appeal by always improving yourself and developing attractive skills and talents. The more attractive qualities you have, the more likely it is for you to be seen as a great match for a man. If you’re already in great shape and satisfied with your appearance, then dedicate your time to developing a new skill or talent. Learn how to dance, or how to cook, or how to tell great jokes, anything! It’s a slow process, but it always pays off.

Secondly, adopt this rule for yourself. Say it aloud, right now. Write it down and carry it in your purse.

“I will only be jealous of another woman if she is truly better than me in every way, not just with her looks.”

From now on, you are not allowed to feel jealous of another woman unless she’s truly better than you in every way. So she’s better looking than you? Ok, is she also smarter? Funnier? More talented? Does she cook better? Does she have a better career? You get the idea.

You cannot be jealous of just her best individual qualities. You have to consider her as a whole person. It’s not just about looks.

If you can adopt this simple rule, you’ll find yourself feeling jealous a LOT less often. It certainly works for me when I compare myself to other men!

As an extra bonus, adopt this rule:

“If a woman is better than me in some way, I will use that as inspiration to learn and improve myself.”

Is she better looking? Get some makeup and fitness tips from her. Does she have a special talent you admire? Ask her for a lesson. Is she more popular/charismatic? Observe how she interacts with people and emulate her personality traits. When you ask someone for advice or ask  them to teach you something, you are both giving a great compliment and learning a new skill. It’s a win-win situation.

With this rule, you get a double bonus: you’ll make more friends that can teach you things, and you’ll always be improving yourself and making yourself more attractive.

Never be jealous again. It’s not fun for anyone. Instead, make friends, learn from others, and focus on being the best woman you can be.

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