, , , , ,

ImageI didn’t write this. This was written by an anonymous OKCupid user and I was very moved when I read it. Please enjoy and share your thoughts.

My self-summary

I’m single, but I’m not looking for anyone to date right now. I’m interested in how people act on here. People are at their absolute worst on this site. It’s a true meat market. The people on it believe they are looking for love, but OKCupid isn’t selling love. It’s selling sex. Yes, you are looking for sex regardless of what you say or think.

I have found liars and cheaters on this site. My fiance was one of them. My fiance left me for a man she barely know but for whom OKCupid described as her “soul mate.” “Soul mate” is a laughable term. “Sex mate” is more like it. Everything we had built together and worked for was gone in an instant. Immediate gratification of her impulsive desire for the right man took precedence to any connection we had had. She has always been impulsive; but we had been carved from the same piece of wood, and it seemed impossible for that to change. I was absolutely heartbroken when she left me, believing it was something I had done, something wrong with me. It wasn’t until a full year had passed that I realized it wasn’t my fault; it was hers.

She was unwilling to work for our relationship. She expected a romance like the movies. She expected to be entertained or impressed at all times. She expected instant gratification for her insatiable desire for variety and what she perceived as “life.” She didn’t care about my money or my status, but she was a glutton for feeling desired, for feeling important, for being entertained. She had no idea what a real relationship was in spite of her insistence of knowing and her definitions of true happiness earned from “experience.” Sadly, she isn’t the only one. I find most people believe that the “right” person will appear, and they’ll “just know.” That is a fallacy.

The “right” person is a misnomer. Romance is a lot like a train station. There are lots of trains coming and going in lots of difference directions. Sometimes trains meet at the station and make a connection because of their coincidental, shared arrival. Occasionally, two trains will arrive and depart in the same general direction for a while, but then begin to deviate as they make their way to Yonkers or Mt. Vernon. The point is you meet someone at the right time similar to how two trains arrive concurrently at a train station. Sometimes these two trains will travel in the same approximate direction just as two people do, but ultimately they will need to separate because two trains can’t ride the same track and neither can two people. You have to learn to compromise and appreciate the time you’re traveling together. Only a conscious effort will allow you to stay on a similar course. You either do this, learn to love the separation, or derail. The “right” person is simply the intersection of two trajectories as functions of time, converging for a moment before begging their inevitable divergence unless a premeditated adjustment is made to their vectors.

Love isn’t magical. It’s like anything else. It takes work. Sex isn’t love. Sex is a diversion. It is a biological urge. It’s an itch. A true connection isn’t managed through sex. It is enriched by it. My advice to you, anyone who has taken the time to read this, is to reflect upon yourself. Do you want to feel entertained in an easy, fly-by-night connection; or do you want to experience sharing highs and lows with someone else and know they have made the same sacrifices as you to get to this point, know they cherish the value of your connection and are willing to fight to maintain it through thick and thin? The journey is the reward, not the destination. In this world of emotional volatility, emotional gratification, and impulsive self-indulgence, the most important safety equipment you can possess is each other.

You might wonder what happened to my fiance. She is still looking for happiness, but she’s never appreciated the journey; so the destinations always seem empty or used up after a while. She’s gone from destination to destination since we separated. She been all around the world and back. Because she is so invested in the destination, she has never arrived. For this, I pity her. Hopefully you will learn from my story.

– Anonymous